I have walked the earth nigh 20 years, always searching for that which would make me whole. I have failed and have been reborn 9 times. Each one has been more painful than the last. I thrive on misery it seems. The cause of my most recent rebirth is perhaps the odd nature of my relationship with my Queen of Spades. The spirits know that there is very little that can quench my rage-all that I have done has been undone in a few words...and they have ruined me-I've turned to dust. Ash. I am once again...hollow. My blood runs cold like ice. My senses have been numbed. However I have become a dynamo. And all of the great daemons know it.

Art is the last thing on earth. When all else has died I will have my quill in hand, and my art shall rule me wholly.

Life has been quite an interesting set of things occurring lately and honestly i cannot say that I have felt well in a while. I am tired. Tired of all this bullshit that surrounds me. But now is time for which one heals. At least I pray that this is possible. My music has been driving me off of the edge of the edges of the map and sent me in new terrifying directions.

The last two weeks have seen the completion of my first symphony as well as the beginning of a bassoon concertina entitle "Ambrosia", it's roots deep in Sergei Rachmaninoff's "Isle of the Dead". It has also sparked the birth of the "Armageddon Symphony".

Despite those two 'successful' happenings, life is still nowhere near as likable as I would hope. In fact, it's lagging very far behind. However I hope to get some more pieces up during the summer.